#wifenotcook#: MY 2CENTS.

This past weekend brought us #wifenotcook#and # husbandnotatm# hastag. Somehow this matter just gained prominence. Their are many faces to the issue but I would try to be most objective.

The truth is that alot of things have changed. Many things we were accustomed to have taken a different turn today. #wifenotcook# only became a thing because we chose to incline women to traditional roles they had been known for since ages past. I do not know if I would call it unfair, but a dual role is bound to burden anyone. In this case, if a woman does not bear the dual role with grace, she is called 'unwomanly'.

The role of a wife have not always been dual. In the last century, we saw the (great) need for our women to serve purpose beyond the home. This was where it all began. For a woman to be more efficient in her work outside the home, she needed to be equipped for it. So women got into school, alongside boys. Unlike in previous times when as the boys proceeded to become refined by gaining knowledge through education, girls only gained knowledge in domestic prowess. In all these, the woman was never absorbed from domestic responsibility, working outside the home was just an addition to her bucket list.

Even in our work places, there is hardly any work station that does not have a female staff, even gate stands. Women put in an equal number of hours, same as the man. After work, she is also expected to return to the home front and face her domestic responsibilities. While the men hang up their feet and chill with the boys, sometimes in front of the television, sometimes at the comfort of the bar. Meanwhile, the woman continues to exert her own nerves by playing her wifely roles, roles which includes cooking.

Everyone decries that girls have become lesser women than the women their mothers were. We must not keep silent on the fact that boys have also become lesser men than their father's were too.

The trend came with a second hastag # husbandnotatm#, that is okay.  The Igbo name for "Mrs" is "ori aku", which literally translates to "person wey dey chop her husband moni". Or in plain English, it means "a person who enjoys her husband's wealth". When men were men, a man takes great pride in seeing his wife display his opulence through her grooming. It was evidence that he works hard and takes good care of her. But the boy-men see their women as sewage pipe that funnel away their resources. They taunt women for their dependence on them for upkeep, something real men take great pride in. The taunting propelled alot of women to seek financial independence, so they can cater for themselves. Now, the women no longer depend on men for their everyday needs, and, the boy-men whine as they begin to feel "un-needed".

When we were growing up, there was this unwritten code that spelt out who to turn to for what. Daddy was the atm, we turned to him for anything money and money - related. My father is not exactly Mike Adenuga, but no one ever went to him and came back empty-handed. Expecting him to give you food, warm food for you or even boil water for tea was simply impractical. In fact, I even find it laughable. We had our mother for that. She too in turn never disappointed. Maybe my father was (always) up and doing in providing money and she too was up and doing in turning the cash to food. Please always keep in mind that my father is not exactly Mike Adenuga. Asking my mother for money was like looking to get water from a rock. A rock though is a good source of water, yet looks nothing like it. And a rock would not (willingly) offer you the water it holds, you must strike it.......hard. Good luck with "striking" my mother.

Our society has long moved past traditional Daddy and Mummy roles. And these roles have become interchanged or shared. Not necessarily due to inability of a man to provide for his family or laziness of the woman to cook for her family.

Today, when money matters arise, the "boymen" seek out their wives 2cents (both literally and metaphorically). When it comes to money matters, some remember that 1+1=2,but in domestic chores, they feel insulted if the "formula" is asked to be applied.

I doubt we would consider going back to the old ways when only Daddies worked and Mummies stayed back to take care of the home. We all know the downsides. Daddy could lose his job in the blink of an eye. Or worse still, he could drop dead. And the in-laws would grow fangs and claim everything the man worked for. Leaving their brother's wife and children in destitution.

The truth is that in our families, we need atms and we need cooks. Whether these functions would remain distinct, mutual or be shared, interchanged is something they can work out. But each partner should bear whichever falls on him/her with good cheer and (great) pride.